It’s easy to be liked. Play nice, don’t push, share your crayons. We all know the rules.
But what if you want to be a jerk? Maybe your job sucks, your kids don’t listen to you or you’re not as good as you want to be.
What better way to get over all that than to make everyone else miserable? Make sure no one likes you with these tips:
Be a jerk before class starts
- Show up late for class.
- Wear your jewelry (If you don’t, how will people know how much money you make?).
- Don’t clean your uniform. Ever.
- Keep your nails long. Toes, too!
- Forget equipment at home (People like to lend you theirs; it makes them feel helpful).
Schedule’s, club rules and safety are just suggestions, really. After all, your tuition pays for this class, you should be allowed to do what you want!
Keep your uniform clean?? But you’re going to sweat in it anyway, whats the big deal?
Training, Jerk-Style
- Effort is overrated.
- Don’t try, in class or at home.
- Hog the equipment.
- Eat, or chew gum in class (it keeps your energy up!).
It’ll make you sweat, and who wants that? Martial arts is supposed to make you able to beat anyone with no effort, so why all the grunting?
Everyone knows that if you don’t pull it off perfectly the first few times, you won’t. Ever.
Besides, after all those Youtube videos, you already know more than your instructor.
Jerks don’t need friends, they get in the way of training
- Socialize and flirt. Even better if you’re an instructor.
- If your family trains at your club, bring up petty squabbles. The sparring gear is right there!
- Don’t help clean or put away equipment. See “effort”, above.
- Get mad. Often. If a technique didn’t work, your partner is doing something wrong. Be sure they know.
- Push around smaller/less skilled students. It toughens them up.
If you don’t make your your students feel stupid, who will?
- Don’t praise them. Ever. You don’t want to spoil them, do you?
- Keep secrets. Nothing keeps a students interest like secret training and techniques. The less they know, the more they’ll want.
- Don’t give free lessons. If a student doesn’t pay you, how can you know they’re serious?
- Other styles are the devil! Openly ridicule other styles, and students that practice them.
Conclusion
And there you have it. Follow these simple ideas, and you’ll have no students, no friends, and people will have no problem saying “That guy’s a jerk!”
Got a good jerk story? Post in the comments! (no names, please)
